3 Research-Backed Strategies to Use Regret to Make Better Decisions
How to learn from your mistakes
Regret isn’t all bad. In fact, it can be a surprisingly powerful tool for becoming a better decision-maker.
Read to the end of this article to learn:
Why regret is unavoidable
How regret impacts your behavior
Three strategies to help you leverage past regrets to make better decisions in the future
Regret is an unavoidable part of living
Regret is like that feeling you get when you think back on something you did or didn't do and wish you could turn back time and make a different choice.
According to a 2007 research paper by Zeelenberg and Pieters from Tilburg University, regret is super common and an unavoidable part of our daily lives.
Researchers from Harvard estimate that we make 33,000-35,000 decisions every day.
With so many decisions, the chances of
A.) Making many imperfect decisions and;
B.) Regretting some of those decisions
Has a nearly 100% probability.
No matter what you choose, there's always that "What if I had done it differently?" nagging at the back of your mind.
The research from Zeelenberg and Pieters really drives home the point that feeling regret is just part of being human because of all the decisions we juggle every day.
Regret is this tricky mix of feeling bad because you think you could have been better off if you had made a different choice and kicking yourself because you feel like it was your call and you blew it.
Regret is different from other negative emotions because it's so tied to our own actions. While you might feel sad or disappointed for a whole bunch of reasons, regret specifically makes you wish you could rewrite your own history.
Understanding regret, where it comes from, and why it feels the way it does can actually help us handle it better. It's about recognizing that this feeling, as uncomfortable as it is, is a sign we care about the choices we make and the lives we're leading.
Now that we understand the inevitability and impact of regret, let's explore how we can turn it to our advantage
How to leverage regret to improve your decision-making
Imagine this:
You've just had a big slice of cake, and immediately you're hit with that "I really shouldn't have" feeling. That's regret in action, and guess what? It does more than just make you feel a bit guilty about your dessert choice.
According to the research by Zeelenberg and Pieters, regret actually plays a pretty big role in shaping what we do next, kind of like an internal compass nudging us to make better decisions in the future.
In their research paper, I referenced above, they lay out three strategies to use regret of past decisions to make better ones in the future.
#1—Decision-Focused Strategies (process over results)
Think of this as using the fear of regret to do your homework upfront before making important decisions.
Imagine you're about to make a big purchase, like buying a car.
You're going to look up all the specs, compare models, and maybe even make a list of pros and cons.
The idea here is that the better informed you are, the less likely you'll regret your choice later. It's effective because when you've thought things through, you can reassure yourself that you made the best decision with the info you had. Even if things don’t turn out the way you wanted, you’ll be less likely to beat yourself up about it if you can remind yourself that you did everything you could to make the best decision possible.
It’s about focusing on the process over results.
We can’t control how things turn out, but we can control how much research we do before making decisions. In the long-run, it will lead to better and better decisions.
#2—Alternative-Focused Strategies (dealing with the “what ifs”)
Now, let's say you've made your choice.
An alternative-focused strategy is about dealing with the "what ifs" related to the options you didn't pick.
This could mean making reversible choices—like buying from places with good return policies, so you can backtrack if you're not happy.
But it also means not torturing yourself by looking up how great that other thing you didn't buy might have been. It's like going on a social media detox to avoid seeing your ex's vacation photos. You're deliberately shielding yourself from information that might make you second-guess and feel bad about your decision.
Make a choice and then make peace with your choice and not dwelling on the paths you didn't take. This can help you make more confident decisions in the future and learn to trust your gut.
#3—Feeling-Focused Strategies
Lastly, learn to be in your feelings.
This can help you deal with the regret you're already feeling.
It's like giving yourself a pep talk. You might tell yourself, "Okay, that didn't go as planned, but what can I learn from it?" or "Everyone screws up now and then, and that's okay." It's about shifting your perspective from beating yourself up to looking at mistakes as growth opportunities.
If you're trying this, it's about being kind to yourself. Practice a bit of self-compassion, maybe jot down your thoughts in a journal, and try to find the silver lining in the situation. It's about moving forward instead of getting stuck in a loop of regret.
Final thought
In a nutshell, these strategies from Zeelenberg and Pieters' research offer some practical ways to handle feelings of regret.
Whether it's being more thorough in your decision-making process, shielding yourself from the "what-ifs," or learning to be kinder to yourself when things don't go as hoped, there's a lot we can do to manage regret and keep moving forward.
Regret is a massive area of research that impacts nearly every aspect of life from your finances and career to your personal relationships.
Stay tuned, in future articles I will be diving into more of research on how regret impacts our lives.
This article is for informational purposes only. It should not be considered Financial or Legal Advice. Not all information will be accurate. Consult a financial professional before making any significant financial decisions.
Great piece thank you!
Avery useful article thank you